THE BOOK: Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Isn't it interesting how the people we love the most and are closest to get our very best and also our very worst?   Typically it's within family life that people experience the greatest amounts of joy and also pain.  I think it’s partly because all the physical and emotional demands of motherhood often leave our “patience tank” on empty.  The other part of the issue is we all face real challenges in life that add to all the stress.  Even us mothers who find incredible joy in our mothering still have daily moments where we are hoping mad or impatient - and even days where we are at our wit’s end. … Well if I’m the only one that experiences this then I’m in trouble! 
Unlike other temporary, sometimes superficial friendships, marriage stretches and tests us to our very core.  I believe one reason God gave us marriage is to inspire us to see our need for Him.  And it's only as we accept Christ's love and atonement that we can become more like him - patient, loving, gentle, kind, forgiving...

It’s far too easy for us wives, amongst all our cute and needy children (and/or full time jobs), to have little time and energy to devote to our marriages, as well as ourselves :).  But, our relationship with our hubbies, hopefully our best friends in the whole world, so need our love and attention!  So it is my vow to dedicate the next week– admist all the “Mommy!” shills and milk spills – to being intentional with my marriage relationship!

I'll be explaining each of his 7 principles and then suggest how we can apply it!  

As an introduction, John Gottman explains that a "Happy Couple's Secret Weapon" is "rediscovering or reinvigorating friendship.  He also proclaims that this friendship "doesn't prevent couples from arguing."  It's HOW they argue that makes all the difference.  He gives an example of Olivia and Nathaniel who disagree heavily on whether to get a minivan or a Jeep.  "The more they talk about it, the higher the decibel level gets.... Then all of the sudden, Olivia puts her hands on her hips and, in perfect imitation of their four-year-old son, sticks out her tongue.  Since Nathaniel knows that she's about to do this, he sticks out his tongue first.  Then they both start laughing.  As always, this silly contest defused the tension between them."

This is called a repair attempt, which is "any statement or action - silly or otherwise - that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.... The success or failure of a couple's repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether their marriage flourishes or flounders. And again, what determines the success of their repair attempts is the strength of their marital friendship."

APPLY: 

So we're going to have moments where we get frustrated or have disagreements , so these are some ideas we can try to do in those moments:

• In a moment of agitation, try using HUMOR!
• In a moment where you feel misunderstood, SEEK TO UNDERSTAND your spouse - your very best friend.
• In a moment of frustration, think of being be WITTY or FLIRTY. 
• In a moment where you could choose to be offended, TRY NOT TO REFLECT your spouses comments on yourself, instead try to understand him and love more.
• In a moment of argument or sadness when tired, JUST GO TO BED, and you'll wake up in the morning with a renewed perspective! :)