Don't worry... you don't need to do all 50 :). I hope this list inspires you to just try ONE and re-focus on the man you love! I think it's far too easy for us women, with the stresses of mothering or working or life, to neglect giving daily love and attention to our most important relationship on earth. In marriage, we are completely known for who we are and luckily we can continually learn and grow as a person and a couple! Being married to my very best friend is the biggest blessing in life, and I'm so grateful for his continual patience with me and his gift at somehow seeing the good in me.
If you ever feel that your marriage could be stronger or you feel your relationship needs a re-charge (which is always does), pick one that works for you and have fun!! I so believe that discovering ways to show love in YOUR SPOUSE'S LANGUAGE and re-discovering your FRIENDSHIP over and over again is what builds a strong marriage! So I hope one idea may help you :)...
- CHOOSE TO ACT NOT RE-ACT. Isn't it so natural and easy to react to others - to become offended when someone is offensive?! To reflect shortness to someone's being short or irritable? You cannot ever change others, but you have the power to choose how you act and love. Experiment with showing more love in the moment rather than just merely mirroring how they treat you - this is one of the hardest things for us humans to do. CLICK HERE to read more!
- MIRROR & TOLIET MESSAGES. Write a little love note on your bathroom mirror with lipstick or a dry erase marker. Or if you really feel like being crazy and doing something totally-out-of-the-ordinary, write on toilet paper with a permanent marker and lay out message on top of the toilet water :)
- SAY YOU'RE SORRY, before he does. I love the quote by Ruth Bell Graham: "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
- TELL YOUR CHILDREN WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT THEIR DAD. A lot.
- DROP EVERYTHING. Try putting aside your eternal to-do lists just for a moment, and give your husband your sincere, undivided attention.
- INITIATE. Researchers report that sexual intimacy is the #1 need of Men in marriage - or the #1 way that they feel loved. In marriage therapist Dr. Harley's book "His Needs, Her Needs" he explains that "sexual fulfillment" (which his male clients usually report as their top need) doesn't necessarily mean mere quantity, but instead quality. Interestingly, men feel most fulfilled and loved only when they feel their spouse is eager and also fulfilled. So make it fun, try new things, initiate.
- TEXT HIM Surprise him with a spontaneous, flirty text or a sentence about why you are so grateful for him. Finding your own ways to connect during the day makes a difference.
- START A HOBBY TOGETHER. Ok, so with our babies asleep at home one night, we decided to write a “bucket list” of fun things we wanted to do together. We LOVE rockclimbing, so we've started buying the gear. Find something you both would enjoy!
- PLAN A DATE NIGHT even it is in your own home when the kiddos are asleep (but I love it when we actually leave the house!). Here are some date night ideas. It’s so important to have that time to fall in love all over again - just the two of you. We usually keep it super simple and lots of times it doesn't officially happen - but any time together (without kids) make a huge difference.
- START A “LOVE JOURNAL” where you can write letters to each other, paste in notes you’ve both written, special memories, and such. Here are some examples.
- KEEP YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE Maybe I'm the only one here, but I find it difficult to actually find time to shower and feel pretty each day- especially when I'm meeting the continual demands of my children! Whether it's throwing on some makeup, or finding some cute clothes that are actually clean :), or getting your hair done - it doesn't always happen but it does wonders for how we feel about ourselves.
- BREAKFAST IN BED One website I researched suggested to make heart-shaped pancakes. Click Here for a super yummy and healthy pancake mix... it's life changing :). I've never actually made heart shaped - maybe just for Valentine's :) But, I guess a surprise breakfast in bed, that could be fun.
- FLIRT WITH HIM It's funny how we totally flirt while dating, but once we're married we can easily forget to be FUN! Just because you've snagged him, don't stop flirting. Try to bring it back.
- DON'T TRY TO BE HIS MOM Remember you are his wife, not his mother. Don't jump him every time he does something differently than you’d like. We likely all need this reminder often.
- TOUCH Physical touch can translate into love for a lot of men. So as you talk with him or pass by him.. think to touch him in someway.
- WRITE A FUN "LOVE NOTE". One time I'm pasted "Top 10 Things I Love about My Husband" on our bedroom door. Or, just leave a note somewhere where he'll find it. One time Steve was really cute to leave random, funny post it notes around the house.
- GIVE HIM A MASSAGE. I bet he would love a spontaneous head rub or go all out and give him a back rub with lotion. So Steve has introduced me to the wonders of back scratches... I will never be the same!
- GRAB A KISS WHILE YOU WAIT Kiss your husband while you're waiting at the stoplight or in the food drive-through.
- BE AWARE OF EXITS & ENTRANCES As you and your husband say goodbyes and reunite again after a long day, be aware of how you show love during these important cross roads. Click Here to read about "Exits and Entrances"!
- TALK ABOUT HIS INTERESTS Bring up a subject that interests him and listen to him talk. Even if the subject doesn't interest you, enjoy watching him as he gets stirred up over the topic.
- SLOW DANCE in the kitchen when the kids go to bed. Actually, maybe dance in front of your kids!
- VERBALLY SHOW APPRECIATION IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY. When with his family, for example, share sincere appreciation for what your husband does or who he is.
- SURPRISE GIFT. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
- CALM DOWN FIRST, THEN TALK. When you are in a moment of frustration, try taking some deep breathes, perhaps hold your tongue momentarily, and discuss it as soon as you feel more able to talk kindly. It's easy for humans to say hurtful, non-helpful things if they just react instantly in a heated moment.
- FIND SOME SANITY AT HOME. With two little kids and being pregnant, our house usually feels out of control :). And I need loads of help to keep things somewhat clean and organized! I do care about the environment of our home because it does affect EVERYONE, especially me and my ability to focus more on relationships. HERE's more about how to "streamline" and organize your home.
- ENCOURAGE HIS HOBBIES, even if you’re perhaps not fond of some. Encourage him, even help make it happen! It will make a huge difference and help him tremendously to feel more balanced and to be his best self. I sure need this, and I know he does too.
- LAUGH MORE! Nothing bonds people closer together than when they laugh together.
- TAKE A HIKE OR WALK TOGETHER. It's hard to hold hands while pushing a stroller, but at least you can talk!
- EAT AN ICE CREAM CONE TOGETHER Buy one, large cone, and eat it together at the same time.
- PRAY TOGETHER EACH NIGHT. Recently I attended a wedding ceremony where I heard some of the best marriage advice! As you are praying together, express 1) something you love/appreciate about your spouse 2) what you personally want to work on (to improve yourself)
- ENCOURAGE HIM TO BUY THAT TOY he's been wanting so badly. Better yet, put some of your own things off, save the money and buy it for him yourself!
- MEND HIS CLOTHES One website suggested to surprise him but trying to "fix" some of his clothes. This may increase his wardrobe by 20%! Well for me, I personally would have to first learn how to "mend" clothes, but whatever! If "service" is your husband's primary love language and you happen to have that skill, it could be meaningful to him.
- HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH This will get you both laughing, and it will remind you not to be so serious.
- SEEK HIS ADVICE Ask for your husband's input and advice on anything from children to what he might like to eat. This will let him know he's needed and that his thoughts are important.
- LOOK OUT FOR HIS HEALTH Encourage your husband to get plenty of sleep and exercise. Physical exercise seems to be a HUGE deal for many men and women to be able to face the challenges of each day. We happen to be P90X fans, but find whatever works for you!
- MAKE HIM A COUPON BOOK Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub or things that would mean much to him.
- CUDDLE WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE. Maybe you could even pick out a movie you know he would really like and have a yummy treat!
- DON'T BE A PESSIMIST Try not to focus too much on the negative. Try to have a positive outlook in your marriage and on life. There’s a difference between having real and honest talks (which is completely necessary) and just having a sour outlook on everything.
- MAKE HIS FAVORITE TREAT I just discovered after several years of marriage that my husband loves more than anything peanut butter cookies with hershey kisses. So, I picked up the ingredients for us to make together sometime. We often, probably more often than we should, enjoy "oreo parties." It has become our nightly ritual to dunk oreos and chat :)
- PLAY A GAME TOGETHER. Ok, I kind of pride myself on being undefeated in Settlers.
- LOOK HIM IN THE EYES Look your husband straight in the eyes when he talks to you to show that he is your #1 at that moment.
- DON'T PUSH THE BUDGET If you can't afford certain things, don't buy them. Try not to complain about your standard of living or whine about the things that you don't have.
- HELP HIM SHAVE This is a fun way to be close and to get you both laughing. ps. Don't let your husband try to take an electric razor to your own eyebrows.. bad experience :) Love you babe! And yeah, I've only cute my husband's hair once... also bad experience!
- LOVE YOURSELF Many times we as women hold back on our husbands because of our own insecurities. Learn to let it go. The things that we're so worried about, usually don't even bother him... whether it's physically or personality-wise, etc. I know you have SO many incredible and beautiful gifts just because you are a woman!!
- DEFEND HIM Don't let others disrespect your husband. Even just a snide comment can hurt. Stick up for the most important person in your life.
- JUST GO TO BED! I don’t always believe in the adage to never go to bed angry. Our kids sure struggle when they are over tired, and so do we. In a moment of frustration when tired and cranky, sometimes just go to bed. You'll likely wake up in the morning with a renewed perspective! :)
- PRAISE and SHOW APPRECIATION When your husband works hard, or does something for you, let him know you appreciate him! Interestingly, researchers have found that praise and admiration is actually on men’s top 5 needs in marriage. CLICK HERE to see the top 5 needs of men vs. women.
- DON'T COMPARE. Be careful not to compare your husband to others - your dad, brothers, or other men. They may be great, but remember your husband is too. Likewise we should avoid comparing ourselves to other wives and moms - which us women are SO guilty of.
- ENCOURAGE MAN TIME. Enthusiastically support your husband in having time to hang out with guys he is close to. Women really need other women, and that "man" time can be important for some husbands.
- KEEP LEARNING AND BEING CURIOUS. It can take some real effort and creativity to expand your intellect while tending lots of littles, but it will make you a more beautiful and interesting wife and mother! Maybe listen to interesting podcasts as you attack the piles of dishes, always carry a good book with you, or quickly research one new topic especially if it’s something your husband would also find interesting!
This is a great list! Thanks for all the effort you put into it.
ReplyDeleteLove every one of these! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI found this post on Pintrest. I just love it. Alot of really good ideas. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and there are some things on this list we have done and some we haven't I appriciate the time and energy you have put into this list. Thank YOU!!! Going to write my hubby a love note now!!!
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled on this post from pintrest, but I recognized your picture and then when I saw your name I remembered I had a class with you back in freshman year! I don't know if you remember me but I though I'd say hi and that I loved this posting! I just got married in October so these are fun ideas I want to try! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAlicia
We're still newlyweds, but there comes a time when we'll get caught up in our routine and this is a perfect way to always remember to love my husband. THANK YOU for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is SUCH an amazing list! I don't have any babies yet, but these are awesome!
ReplyDeleteI came across your site from Pinterest. I LOVE your list! Thanks for all the great reminders!
ReplyDeleteKristen from www.sixsistersstuff.com
We'll celebrate a quarter-century this summer. I'm not the cutesy type (no toilet-paper messages for me, lol) but some of these we've done consistently since we were married. The other day, we were signing some paperwork on the sale of our house and the (much younger) professional woman who was going through it with us commented on how fun it was to see a couple married that many years "still acting giddy around each other." Giddy is not a word I associate with myself...but we WERE pretty excited about the sale of the house and we were joking and holding hands a lot and I think we kissed a couple of times while she was reading stuff to herself...
ReplyDeleteMy husband is about to deploy, he's gone for training right now. Even though a lot of these would be impossible for us right now, I found this to be a very interesting and encouraging read. Thank you.
ReplyDeletereally? if anyone finds these to be "good ideas", she obviously isn't a very good wife to start with. most of them sound like a bored housewife and others you should already do, everyday with no reminder.
ReplyDeleteDear "Anonymous", if you are not interested in becoming a better wife and being humble about that endeavor, why are you here? Perhaps I should be in awe of your 'perfection' as a wife, but I find your comment to be very disrespectful and rude. We all love others in our own way. I think it's generous for the author of this blog to share her ideas.
DeleteDear Anonymous,
DeleteI RARELY comment on blogs that belong to people I dont know, but YOU have managed to get a response out of me. I had even shut down my computer and walked away but your comment has remained on my mind so I came back. I google searched for this page just so I could respond to you.
I'm very glad the good Lord has blessed you with a good marriage. I am also very glad you know all there is to know about marriage. I personally, am always looking for ideas to show my husband I love him because unlike a lot of women my age, there was NO love shown in the house where I grew up. During the 15 years my parents were married, I never ONCE saw them kiss. Not once. The only time I saw my father try to be affectionate with my mother, she yelled at him. I can count the number of times I have hugged my sister or my father on one hand! So, unlike you, some of us do need help in the area of how to show love to our spouse because we were never taught. It's great that you don't need help. It's not great to bash people that do or that are willing to offer help.
I rarely comment on blogs as well, however (directed at the first Anonymous, not the second) - certain people lack the talent, desire, ability...etc at certain things. Being "that way" with their spouse may be one of them for someone else, not necessarily YOU. Also, sometimes people fall into a rut or go through a really rough patch that causes them to stop doing these types of things. Not everyone has the perfect marriage EVERY DAY, sometimes they need a little guidance to get [back] on th right track. Quit being so judgemental and just let people be who they are. I am quite positive that there is at least one section of your life that you wish to be stronger.
Deletewoah, haters. don't be rude. i think this list is LOVELY. i am newly married, and this helps me to add things to my growing list of things to-do for my wonderful husband to help form me into the wife i am trying to be/become! :) thank you for taking the time to post and share this!
ReplyDeleteI love the list, thank you for posting. I need a reminder of the things that I could be doing to be a more thoughtful and loving wife. After I read this I sent my husband a flirty text, letting him know that I still want him even though I just had a baby.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to make this list. I particularly enjoyed the suggestions about being positive. I thought they were great ideas.
ReplyDeleteThis is a GREAT list. Thanks for compiling it and reminding us how important it is to STAY in love! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI find this list a little unbelievable - when are you writing from? I don't mean to be a hater or think the idea of cultivating love is foolish, but this doesn't say bored housewife to me, this says submissive woman. Strength and partnership, not the husband-above-self mentality.
ReplyDeleteSorry to be the bearer of bad news for ya, but woman ARE to be submissive to their husbands. At least that is what MY Bible says.
DeleteHowever, I do not think the author's intent was to say that man is "better than woman". This list was just geared towards what WOMEN can do for their husbands. If the title had been what a husband can do for a wife, would you have had the same reaction? It works both ways. Whether you're a man or woman, you put your spouse FIRST.
I don't understand why its submissive or anything other than wonderful to find different ways to show your spouse you love them or to spice up your relationship by dropping everything to give them some undivided attention every now and then. Especially if you're a busy mother or just plain busy in life! I'm not at all "submissive" in my relationship (we work together on most issues and I am very much my own woman) and I am in fact a "housewife" but I've even done some of these things for my own husband and for no other reason than because I love him. Should I never tell him or show him? Should I never expect him to? We all show love and affection in our own ways and I see nothing wrong with someone sharing their own ideas. Perhaps someone finds them helpful and, if you don't, then don't read the article any further and move on. You have the freedom to do that. There are far worse things in life than worrying about us bored housewives showering our loved ones with affection - spend your time worrying about the evils and despair of the world and what you can do to change them not adding to them with your rudeness and negativity. I don't think it sounds at all submissive but rather someone finding ways to be positive and caring in their relationship, finding ways to maintain that positivity, and someone appreciating and noticing the blessings they have. I'm not religious and I don't care what other people do to maintain their relationships. Even if someone believed in being "submissive" and wanted to do it, who are we to put them down for it? Husband above self? Come on! As a woman who loves her husband and child, I'd put them first any day. I do every day. Its called motherhood. Family. Love. Everyone should be so lucky to have someone in their life that would put them first always. Move on. Be polite.
DeleteAs the writer of this blog, I just have to say a few things. How grateful I am to be married to my very best friend, one who has been right by my side through all the good and all the hard times. How forever grateful I am to my husband, who during this trying time of being pregnant, has cherished me and taken care of me, even when I am sick and grumpy! A husband who, while I’m throwing up over the toilet, plays and laughs with our kids and does the laundry. A husband who even invents indoor clotheslines since our dryer takes half a day to dry anything! A husband who knows that I am in desperate need of sleep right now, so he stays up late many nights to clean the whole house so the next day seems bearable for me. A husband who brings me a bottle of water each night with my vitamin (since I always forget). A husband who forgives me when I’m mad and who supports me in my personal growth. A husband who believes in me when I don’t, and who is my biggest cheerleader and confidant. I am just a mess of tears right now thinking of how grateful I am for my husband! Does that sound like I’m a “submissive wife” to a husband who seeks to be better or more powerful than me … I think not.
ReplyDeleteI believe in a marriage where BOTH the husband AND the wife are to be submissive to God. I believe that marriage can be life’s greatest catalyst to learn the principles of mutual respect, selflessness, love, compassion, and forgiveness – that applies to BOTH partners. Unfortunately we all know marriages where tremendous hurt and even forms of abuse takes place. And unfortunately, unhealthy marriages dramatically impact the lives of each child. You cannot change your spouse or anyone else, but you do have control over what you do and the way you love.
Sure, there will be people who don’t appreciate this list. To “Anonymous,” the great thing about it is you can go write your own list somewhere – I sure would be curious to read it. There will be readers who like some ideas and don’t like others – that’s to be expected. And that will not stop me from letting my voice be heard. I believe in the power of women, in wives, in mothers to bless families and communities – even generations to come. Whatever your family background may be, you have the power and potential to create beautiful relationships. I created this blog to inspire, to encourage, and to educate women in their pursuit to strengthen their marriage and raise their children – which are the most important endeavors life has to offer. I sure need loads of help, so I assume others out there do too. Here’s the bottom line – a successful, happy marriage relationship requires a daily effort and willingness. Bless you all in finding your own ways to show love to your spouses and to your children in ways that are meaningful to them!!
Much love,
Mindy
Perfection! I couldn't have said it better myself. Kuddos to you for so eloquently putting "Anonymous" in her place!
DeleteXoxo
You shouldn't have replied to these hateful disgusting people Mindy. I wanted to say something but they are NOT worth my energy or time. SO many people loved what you wrote. Im going to print this out and use all of them. May our loving Lord continute to bless you and your wonderful husband and your beautiful family. *hugs from a stranger* :)
DeleteGreat ideas! Thanks for posting
ReplyDeleteGreat list, I do most of them, 10 I should work on it, 3 I do half of the time and #27 impossible for me to accomplish. For the negative comments above: I feel bad for the husband of the first one, if she is that negative on public immagine in private to her husband. The second clearly feminist, still fighting her mother or grandmother fight, depending on her age.
ReplyDeleteAmazing thank you so much for sharing this and for reminding me how my role as a wife should be. I started crying reading this because every one of these ideas is what I wish would happen in my marriage but it's really hard when it's one sided. I guess I will have to try harder. You are an inspiration
ReplyDeleteIt is EXTREMELY difficult to do some of these things when it is one sided. Trust me, you are not alone. A lot of us struggle with that. A lot of days I feel like I try so hard and he puts forth no effort at all. But do we do these things to get something in return? Yeah, it's nice to be appreciated and to have him show us....but in the end we do these things because we love our husbands, not because we want to be doted on or bragged about. Keep being a good wife and showing him how much he means to you and he will come around. Hold your head high and don't give up. :) God bless you and yours.
Delete#6 works wonders. #9 is hard but I'm trying. #19 can be insane dance parties, or in house raves and #48 is the bain of my existence. thank you for your list!
ReplyDeleteCute ideas! Thanks :)
ReplyDeletei loved these! this is a great list of things anyone could do to show their husbands they love them. don't let negative comments get you down at all... some people are just naturally vicious and spread negativity. no need to pay any attention to opinions from someone like that. you are amazing!
ReplyDeleteand i agree with anonymous above me that it is very hard to do these things when it is one-sided. but i think me doing a little extra to show i care might spark the same thing in him. we'll see. :)
I have to say thank you so much for for this post, it was beautiful! I sat here taking notes as I read. I totally got emotional reading this.... Definitely need to be more positive and need to let things go (especially after having that baby, the changes are a lil hard to take in sometimes!) Then I read your response to the mean people, and I cried all over again! Your description of how your husband takes care of you.... That is a model of a husband right there. We should all be so lucky to have a man treat us with such tenderness and caring! This was a post with some wonderful ideas and I'm definitely going to try a lot of these and the date ideas! Thank you for your words of encouragement! We can all use some encouragement in this life! You are my hero! Thank you Mindy!
ReplyDeleteGood list! I agree with "Just go to bed!" 100% - lack of sleep causes many unnecessary spats - God bless you and yours.
ReplyDeleteFor those that struggle with the effort and the love being ONE-SIDED (and anyone wanting to strengthen their marriage), I would highly recommend watching the movie FIREPROOF. I wish all of you the best!
ReplyDeleteLove, Mindy
Oh my gosh, I just read through the comments and am ABSOLUTELY stunned at some of the comments! Whatever happened to the old rule, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" My husband and I have been to three different marriage counselors, and I have read countless marriage self-help books. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of these things have been mentioned through counseling and some of the best marriage books I've read. It's the little things like this that really make a marriage blossom. If you do things like this (whether you think it is one sided or not), your husband WILL feell like giving back in return. The book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Chapman (one of the best marriage books I've read!)calls this "filling eachother's love tanks". When you fill your spouses tank, they will have the desire and energy (fuel) to fill yours. And the cycle begins. When the little things like this start to die off (like us after 11 years of marriage) the flame dies and that's when trouble starts. If you can keep up with the "little" things like these, you are fueling the fire. Your love and marriage will burn brighter and better, whether you've been married a week or a hundred years. This is a WONDERFUL post with great advice. Thank you for sharing with us! And thank you for being so kind and Christlike through it all. I don't think I could have come back with such kind responses through those comments. I would have climbed into my shell and never come back out again! You rock. :)
ReplyDeleteSo my daughter has those foam bath letters that we leave in our shower/ tub. when damp they stick to the shower walls. me and my husband write little messages to each other while in the shower, then shut the curtain. so the next time he gets in the shower he sees my note!
ReplyDeleteI am engaged and will be getting married in just a few months. My parents have been having issues in their marriage which has been really affecting me and my fiance as we prepare to start out own journey into this life long commitment, Thank you for writing this blog, I am planning to book mark it and use it when I finally am married. I needed that extra reminder that just because one marriage is not working out, doesn't mean mine cannot!
ReplyDeleteMy husband & I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year. It is very important to stop & do small things just to show each other you care. Movie night after the girls are in bed is our most favorite time. When we miss it I send him a text through the week to let him know we need to pencil it in for the next weekend.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your list! I think it's great & the haters are just jealous of the relationship you have with your husband. You are right on target focusing on your marriage & praising God while doing so!
I love this. Is there a way to make it printable to put next to my to-do list? I tried copying and pasting but it really messed with the formatting.
ReplyDeleteI just added a PRINTABLE LIST link at the bottom of the post. Hope that helps!!
ReplyDeleteWonderful. Thanks so much!
DeleteWow, what a great blog. You know, you have so many people make comments and follow this blog, you could probably make some money if you started letting businesses advertise on it. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteYeah right. I may miss my boyfriend when he's gone, but I have no desire to drop my life for him or rush to meet him at the door.
ReplyDeleteI am in school working VERY hard to earn a degree and I honestly have better things to do than dropping everything at night to spend time with him. Most people HAVE to use the time after the kids fall asleep to get things done.
I guess I would just rather be his equal than be submissive to him. We should be PARTNERS.
Ridiculous list. Come into the 21st century.
Life is incredibly busy and stressful during certain seasons of our life. I just got a part time job that I will need to be doing certain nights of the week when the kids are asleep... BUT, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the POWER of little moments. Maybe it's just giving each other your undivided attention for 5 minutes when you both see each other. Maybe for your boyfriend, QUALITY TIME isn't one of his primary love languages. The key is to know HOW your partner sees love and to try responding in that way... even just for a MOMENT. No matter what century we may be in, relationships will always require some amount of love and attention to keep growing. Wish you all the best in finding what works for you!
ReplyDeleteLove, Mindy
Wow! This is an awesome list to help strengthen marriages & I appreciate you sharing this! Great Blog... I will def be back to see what other ideas you have! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHi Mindy! I followed this link from my sister's pinterest and saw your picture! Crazy! Your kids are adorable. So glad I found your blog!
ReplyDeleteI can tell how open minded and mature you are for deleting my former comment. I'm curious, did you delete because it was right?
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of growing up to do.
I don't intend to be fake or "submissive" in my marriage. I just desire to strengthen women in this most important relationship. It would be super awesome if I could always show love, but when life gets really hectic, I could use some reminders! For anyone curious what "Anonymous" had to say, here you go:
ReplyDelete"You are all blind, you don't see what this list really is, you WON'T see. All it is is how to be submissive. Make sure you look pretty for him, greet him at the door like a dog would his master, make sure he over hears you praising him to others, don't want to diminish that fragile little ego of his...
I have one more idea to add to the list. #51. Be Genuine.
If you do any of the things on this list just because you read them here, then yeah, it's going to feel one sided, and you are going to feel un-appreciated. But if you do things for your husband because the idea came naturally, genuinely, then that is when your marriage can truly flourish. If you feel under appreciated, don't (#22) hold your tongue. SAY SOMETHING! Your husbands are not mind readers! If something is bothering you say it! And work through it! It's when you bottle it up that it builds and build and builds and you end up starting to feel resentment towards him. Sure, if you're upset, take a breather to calm down, but don't keep it in.
Men/husbands do not have other men blogging about what they can do for their wives, it's just not what "manly" men do, so you have to help them out a little bit by COMMUNICATING with them what you want.
Also, your husband should appreciate you no matter what you look like. Yeah, makeup is nice to put on, but it shouldn't be on a "list" of how to show your husband that you love him. Be genuine, from the inside and out. It's the most beautiful thing you can be in a relationship. It's not about HE it's about US, as a unit as one whole.
Some of the suggestions on the list, are really cute suggestions and can be fun, but a lot of them are very 1920's ideals. It's 2012. And yes, the Bible says to submit to your husbands, but "to submit" and "being submissive" are two very different things.
I am not writing this to upset and I am not writing this to get angry responses. I just had to say something, to at least try to get you see it in a different light even though I know most of you who read this will write me off. For a young, recently married, Mormon couple, I'm sure this list is great for your ideals, but know that this list of 50 things to show your husband you love him, can only last for so long. I'll say it again, BE GENUINE! If you want to boast about your husband then boast about him! Not just because he is in the other room or within ear shot. Don't play those games because in games, someone always loses.
But I'm only an Atheist who has been married for 32 years, what do I know... "
G'day all,
Deletejust had to keep reading as this was too much fun to look away.
Im glad this comment was reposted, I too was a bit taken aback by "the list" . Some ideas are very sweet and some way too degrading for me . I guess its how you interpret it yourself. BUT I think a lot of you have lost the meaning of the post. It was to give idea's on how to show your hubby you love him, not a list on how to be a good wife. Take an idea and run with that , only the ones that apply to you. If you only get one idea from this then your better off than you were before reading it !!
The perfect marriage regardless of religion is that on which a man and wife are happiest. In my case I love when my hubby surprises me with flowers, a piece he found at a garage sale or tickles my forehead whilst we cuddle on the lounge and he loves it when i send him a random sweetnothings texts throughout the day or sit and chat while he fixes the car ( hate it but do it for him ). Point is - do what works for you. Obviously Mindy is not the perfect wife and Im yet to meet one but if she does any of these solely to make her hubby happy and her marriage work then good for her, I can tell you she values her marriage a whole lot more than most people I know. Good on you Mindy, I had a giggle but most of all commend you for posting your feelings and trying to share your thoughts with others so they can be as happy as you. If standing on your head singing ac/dc songs whilst washing the car makes you happy to share the love , well why the heck not give it a go if you want to . Its all about what works for you ......you go girlfriend !!!
Mindy, I'm a first time reader of your blog, and just caught the above post when I was about to comment. Just know that most of your readers support your ideas. I am so tired of women saying that wives that actually care about their spouses and enriching their marriage are "submissive." It takes a lot to be selfless in this world. By the above explanation of "being genuine," I read, "Don't care about what anyone thinks, do what you want to do, say what you want to say." which to me just translates to being selfish. That will break a marriage faster than anything. Marriage needs work, and your suggestions are great! Yes, your husband shouldn't care if you are wearing make up, but I know it makes ME feel better during a hectic day to get ready to see my husband at the end of the day. It brings me back to the "ME" instead of the "Mom" of the day. Maybe "Anonymous" would like you to write a list of what husbands can do to show their wives love- it could be the EXACT same list. It goes both ways if a marriage is going to be successful.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this was not going to be my original comment, but I just wanted to let you know that most of us who found your blog thank you for your ideas. I always need reminders to take time out of my crazy mom-duty-filled life to show my husband love. :)
Well I can see there was some impact since you have revised some of the items on your list.
ReplyDeleteI went through each one to make sure they were more clear and fully represented what I believe (rather than using phrases for from various websites), so thanks so much!!
ReplyDeleteWell, I've never responded on a blog before, but after reading some of these posts of people that disagree with you and are expressing themselves so rudely I felt I needed to respond myself. First of all, people who have a problem with the word "submissive" do not have the correct idea of what truly Biblical submission is. True submission is NOT being inferior to another person, or somebody's slave, and it is NOT negative. It is a beautiful privilege to be submissive. Even Christ, who is Himself God, was submissive to His Father although they are equal. A marriage partnership is made up of two equal people-a man and a wife. I included a link that explains the beauty of true biblical submission here: http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=155
ReplyDeleteThe things on this list are IDEAS for us to help show our husbands the devoted love we have for him. If we love him the way we should, we would be selflessly doing these things for him. Putting on makeup (simply taking a shower in my case some days) is not being FAKE or disingenuous. It's showing him that you love him enough to not be gross for him. :) Does he love me in my yucky sweats and unshowered hair in a ponytail? Of course he does. But, am I showing him that I care enough about him and him being with me when I present myself like that? Plus, I feel better about myself when I take care of myself too and that helps me have a better attitude and an overall better day. If you showed up at work having not taken care of yourself, wouldn't your boss and coworkers get the impression that you don't care about your job or that you don't want to be there? Well, do you want your husband to think that about how you feel about him? Of course not. That, and everything else on this list, are just little ways to show him that you do put him first- and WE SHOULD put him first. We should first and foremost love the Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. Notice, it says we should love our neighbor as ourselves and never are we told to love ourselves. We already do that on our own! That's why we have to be REMINDED to love others and put others first. It's the loving, kind, right thing to do. Thank you, Mindy, for helping me remember to do that. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary coming up this Tuesday and I already have some creative things to do for him planned because of your great post. Please don't be discouraged from some people who choose to be rude.
Mindy, you are right on the mark. I have used many of these ideas, but looking at 24+years of marriage it is nice to see some encouragement for marriage instead of this constant turmoil of marriage not being relevant to 2012. Even one who is past the childbearing and baby stages, having adults, teens, tweens, and elementary age children,you encouraged me to take a bit more time and show my husband that I truly do appreciate him and all he does. He is much better at that than I; my area of growth and change. Happy new member of your family coming!! blessings~~
ReplyDeleteHere are two of my own: go to bed at the same time together and even if your in your comfies all day when he calls and he's on his way home, get dressed, jewelry and all. You'll feel cuter and he'll like it much better than the jammies
ReplyDeleteMindy, This is a WONDERFUL list!! I do most of these myself!! i believe if you can't be "submissive" to EACH OTHER then your probably with the wrong person. I to am married to my best friend and we do just about everything on your list... #1 is my hardest but ,,lol He is definately better at that than I am, However #3 I am better at.. and #8 is always my favorite. WE did Scuba classes together and last month started the P90X workout, we love it and it is so much fun doing it together. Love your list and ideas.
ReplyDeleteI was reading the comments on here and I find it sad that one person wants to destroy something that is good, much like satan does. Don't let her get to you. If at all possible block her from your blog. If not fail to respond, if she can't a response she will get bored..lol;-)
Good Luck to you and God Bless you and your family!
This is such a fantastic list!! Thank you so much for sharing it. The Hubs and I have been having some stress and tension over the budget. I tend to be a spender and he's a saver. So, when I got to #7, I stopped what I was doing and texted him that I was thankful that he takes control of our finances and does such a good job. He doesn't usually respond quickly to texts, but he immediately texted back and said, "Thank you, babe. Love you." =) Also, I needed the reminder for #5! With all the technology today, it seems like I'm constantly on my phone, texting, facebooking, instagramming or something and rarely do I put it all down and just give my total and complete attention. I just really needed to read this today! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful list! Thank you so much! I have done several items on your list before reading your list, but I am loving the ideas I haven't tried. My husband and I have been married almost three years. It is my second marriage, and his first. I want my husband to know that I love and appreciate him so much and everything he does for me. I try to tell him everyday how much he means to me and show him in some small way. He usually outdoes me by showing me how much I mean to him. I am so blessed! Thanks again, and be encouraged that you have made a wonderful and helpful list.
ReplyDeletei just got married 2 and a half weeks ago and i was searching the web for ways to help our marriage so that my husband and i never forget why we got married to each other and found this ! i love it ! great ideas.. we already came up with what we call the love session where everyday we send random text messages either telling each other how much we love each other or a text saying one thing we love about each other and its working ! =)
ReplyDeleteGreat article Mindy! Pinning this to my board on Pinterest.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
This is so great!! cant wait to start using these in my life!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have read a lot of martial help lists (not exactly sure what to call them) not because my marriage is bad, but because I intend to make it the best! I find some of these comments outrageous, because it seems all the author was trying to do is help, give some input on what she chooses to do, and what has worked, I am very grateful that you choose to voice your opinion. I agree with all your items, and Ive actually read the list to my husband and he also agreed those things would make him happy. And he also agreed that he should also try the list with me! I appreciate the time you took to write down your thoughts and share them! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMany items I have identified in this list have such a solid base in current, peer reviewed social science research. As a student of Human Development, I thought I would throw that in there!
ReplyDeleteSelfless love and submitting (yes I said it!) to each other in marriage is key to enduring, true love.
I believe in Jesus Christ, and His love means more than anything to me. I strive to be like Him and His love for ALL of us is beautiful.
I am active in the fight for women to be portrayed in media and other outlets as strong, capable, and non-objectified people. I expect all women to be treated well, but that doesn't mean (as silly as it seems) that I wont dress up to show my husband I want to impress him!
If I will dress up for a professional interview, I would SURELY dress up a million times for the man I love! I will do anything to make sure he knows I love him! Write a note on some TP and throw it in the toilet...yeah, I'd do it in a heartbeat if it would make him smile. These silly things make the world bright!
Thanks for adding a bit of sunshine and optimism into this dreary world.
I truly appreciate your post!!
Wow I have to agree with the lady a ways up this thread who shut the computer down because of that ignorant person. Anyway I never knew what love was either, never saw it growing up...my parents were not at all affectionate in the least way to one another. I saw fighting more than anything!! This article really helped me. I've been in my current relationship for a year in hopes to be married. This man is awesome and means the world to me. We have fell apart so many times because I've never been able to give him that appreciation...well not consistently and I decided that it's time I do before I loose this man
ReplyDeleteShouldn't you also have added---Make sure the floors are scrubbed shiny and clean, dinner is to his expectations, the children are quiet so he can rest, etc, etc. You are sweet and I am sure a wonderful mom and wife, but to most working mom's (in this century) this is quite unrealistic. Maybe your husband could post 50 things to do for your wife, just a thought?
ReplyDeleteokay you have issues
DeleteGreat ideas! I am work full time and have 2 children. To the comment above it is not impossible. My hubby and I do some of these things for EACH OTHER.
ReplyDeleteJust because it is the 21st century doesn't mean marriages don't need a little spark once in while.
The divorce rate in this country is so high maybe some marriages should give some of these things a try. It's sad that God created us for eachother and some see this as being a slave to your husband.It's ideas of how to show her husband she loves him and to keep a strong relationship. This is just her ways of making her husband happy. Maybe her husband does have a post!
God Bless you for sharing your ideas!
Saw this on Pinterest and the ones on this list that I have done certainly strengthen our relationship!
ReplyDelete"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
ReplyDeleteLove this list! Great suggestions and reminders of how to show our husbands we love them..thank you for sharing!
after 13 years of marriage I have told so many young married girls I work with things like this. You are a smart woman.
ReplyDeleteit is not about being submissive but sharing your life with your best friend who also get to have s*! with? My husband is my end of the day pick me up, best person I have ever known. He cracks me up, pisses me off and drives me wild all in an hour so why wouldn't I want to look for ways to make him happy. after 20 years together. We who married the cutest boy in the room should not feel bad about wanting to keep him happy. would you want to be married to a person like you?
ReplyDeleteI am 25 almost 26 and my husband will turn 41 this year. We will be together for 4 years on the 26th of this month and will have been married for 4 years on December 13th of this year. Yep that's right we were only together 5 months before we got married. I love my husband more than anything in this world he is my rock! I could not imagine my life any different now that he is in it. We have for kids together his two boys, my 6 year old girl and we have a 3 year old together. We have a CRAZY life and schedule but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am always trying to think of different ways to show my husband how much I love him. I know he appreciates the things that I do it would just be nice to hear it now of course I am not doing it just for that. He works long shift work hours and is NEVER home so when he is I do my best to make him feel special. Of course being semi newlyweds we have our ups and downs (money is our number 1 down) but we have always managed. But here lately we argue non stop. No matter how positive I stay or give him his space nothing seems to work. I know it's just stress from work and the financial aspect so I just back off as much as possible. This list gave me hope that I can still do things to show my appreciation and love for him. We may not get a lot of time together without the kids around but I will NEVER give up trying for my one true love. I have learned that I can not let things get in our way no matter what it is. We love each other and we just need to renew that faith in each other some times. Four years or not I married my husband for better or for worse. And I stand by that! He has been there for me through my BAD times and my GOOD times and I will not let him down! Thank you for posting this list, just renewed my faith that our love is still there. For those people being negative I sure hope and pray that you find that special someone that you will want to do these things for.
ReplyDeleteLove this, just wrote my newly husband a love note he won't find til he gets to work tomorrow and we even had a disagreement before bed. life is short why not be happy. Those who can juggle kids, career, school, and marriage like myself and still try to keep the fire alive...lol well tell me that's not empowering as a women and I'll show you a liar.
ReplyDeleteFound my way here via Pinterest. This is a wonderful list with so many great ideas. Thanks for sharing. I'm definitely gonna Pin It!
ReplyDeleteI linked over to your blog from Kari’s blog Alas 3 Lads. I am thankful that you took the time to put together this relationship post. Reading it, reminded me just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful hubby. ;o) Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say thank you for this thoughtful list. After being married for five years now, between both of us working full time and carrying for a rowdy two year old, sometimes I feel like we are more like roommates than husband and wife. I feel like your list has great ideas that are do-able and make sense. It may not fix my marriage but at least I'll know that I am showing love and kindness. Great reminders about how to live your life as who you want to be rather than in reaction to circumstances.
ReplyDeleteHi Mindy. Saw this on pinterest. Call me crazy, but I totally think we were in a BYU ward together. The Elms with Bishop Klein? Anyway, your blog looks super cute and your kids are darling!
ReplyDeleteSo, I don't understand why people are getting so offended? It's my personal belief that when you truly love someone then you just do whatever you can to make them happy. Mindy, I actually do all of this stuff in whichever way I can possible and my marriage is flourishing.
ReplyDeleteWe are such a culture/society/nation of selfish assholes that don't ever want to put anyone ahead of themselves but you HAVE to in order to maintain any healthy relationship...EVER friend, foe, boyfriend, love, husband, mom, dad, sister, brother...do you see where I'm going with this? The kicker is finding someone, in the romantic sense, who is willing to return that favor (in whatever ways they can/show love). And if they aren't prone to doing things for someone else, you TALK about it and you realize your weaknesses and work together. What's wrong with admitting to expectations and then reworking those expectations together so everyone's happy? This isn't one sided ... it's real life and you can't just give up when it gets hard. Damn.
Love languages, however corny they may sound, are the key to really keeping the love alive. My husband receives love by being touched. So, apart from the marital obvious, I make sure to touch him when we're on the couch or rub the back of his head when he's driving. I receive love by words of affirmation and he KNOWS this because we've TALKED about it and so he tells me all the time how much he appreciates me and the things I do. He tells me all the time he loves me. Duh.
I think everyone on here that is slamming Mindy's list should be ashamed of themselves. Just because you have (probably) been burned or lived with a father/mother who was a prick and couldn't show love the way you received it doesn't mean that she's wrong for posting something that might speak to someone else or share works for her. Neither of my parents knew how to properly love which meant that I wasn't loved the correct way for 18 years until I moved out. But guess what? I didn't use that as my excuse to be an ugly, bitter human being. I rose above my shortcomings and learned to love the way I was intended to as a human being. But it just didn't stop at 'I do.' We both work really fucking hard to make sure that neither of us falls back into bad old habits.
Yes, BOTH OF US. BECAUSE ITS A MARRIAGE. WE BOTH SUCK AT LIFE MOST OF THE TIME.
Mindy, again, this list is fabulous and I hope that others will read it and think, 'I don't do that ... maybe I should.' I sincerely hope they do.